THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
The colonists get cranky
Chapter 7
fThe thing was, the colonists had already gotten used to doing things the way they wanted to,
2gWhich was called the American Way,
3And meant that they no longer wanted to do things the Brit way,
4hWhich is usually the hard way.
5The more they thought about it, the more taxes seemed like an unnecessarily hard way of handling the Brit economic crunch,
6Hard on the colonists, that is,
7Who didn’t much care about fighting the French anyway,
8iHaving already tried it in the French and Indian War,
9Some years back.
10But the Brits were stubborn and tried out the tax plan anyway,
11Putting a tax on tea,
12Which wasn’t smart,
13Since the colonists were still pretty much Brits and hadn’t yet discovered that coffee is about a thousand percent better than tea anyway,
14jAnd therefore thought that they still needed tea,
15Tax-free,
16Or how would they ever get up in the morning?
17kSo the colonists threw all the Brit tea into Boston Harbor,
18And then sat down for a while to think up what to do next.
✦ · · ✦ · · ✦
Chapter 7 / 154