THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
Teddy Roosevelt gets famousTaft wants to sit on the trusts
Chapter 60
All this foreign adventuring made Teddy Roosevelt famous,
2Because he was a Rough Rider and had helped whip the Spics,
3mAt San Juan Hill,
4Which was Spanish,
5And had to be captured at all costs,
6nBecause the Spanish had treacherously sunk a Yank ship called the Maine,
7Which wasn’t too smart,
8oAs their Spic cousins in Mexico could have told them,
9Because whenever you do something to the Yanks,
10No matter how good your reasons might be,
11The Yanks will remember it,
12And get even,
13If it’s the last thing they ever do,
14pBecause that’s the American Way.
15And so the Yanks remembered the Maine,
16qJust like they remembered the Alamo,
17rAnd sTeddy Roosevelt and the tRough Riders charged right up San Juan Hill and captured it,
18Wherever it was,
19Which nobody quite remembers,
20Which doesn’t matter anyway,
21uBecause it was a glorious moment in Yank history and made Teddy Roosevelt a national hero,
22aWhich explains why vTeddy was vice president of the country when President Guiteau got shot,
23Thus making him the youngest president in U.S. history,
24In spite of the fact that he actually had a college degree.
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Chapter 60 / 154