THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
The Yanks decide to have a foreign policy
Chapter 58
For a long long time, the Yanks hadn’t had much of a foreign policy,
2Because founding fathers like hWashington and iMadison,
3Unless it was jMonroe,
4Had suggested that the U.S. didn’t really need a foreign policy,
5kAs long as everybody else left the Yanks alone,
6lWhich they mostly did,
7mBecause even the Europeans were smart enough not to get in the way of Manifest Destiny,
8And besides, getting involved with the Yanks would mean having to deal with all the nscum of the earth that had been kicked out of all the best nations in Europe,
9The kind of scum who weren’t at all well bred,
10oAnd would probably spit tobacco juice all over the carpet,
11pAnd talk about money,
12While wearing qcowboy outfits,
13And shooting rsix-guns at everything in sight,
14And going on and on about the sgrisly little undisciplined war they had fought with each other in the Yank wilderness a few years back,
15tWhich wasn’t even a war by European standards,
16uBut a lower-class brawl between two rival gangs of rabble,
17Squabbling about what to do with black people,
18vEven though the Chosen Nations of Europe had been showing everybody what to do with black people for several centuries at least.
19Anyway,
20After the Yanks had gone twenty or thirty years without having any history to speak of,
21They decided that they should have some,
22And since they hadn’t had any foreign policy for practically forever,
23They decided that might be a good place to start,
24And besides, they were just about out of elbow room for Manifest Destiny at home,
25wAnd who else knew as much about racial relations as the Yanks?
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Chapter 58 / 154