THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
The Yanks get more industrialThe Yanks decide to have a foreign policy
Chapter 57
In fact, the windustrial revolution was so important to the Yanks that they completely stopped making history for about twenty or thirty years,
2xSo that they could make money instead.
3yThere were quite a few presidents during those years, of course,
4But nobody remembers who they were exactly,
5zBecause there weren’t any political issues,
6Except for the aatariff question,
7Which was important because it was the only way to tell Republicans from Democrats,
8bbSince the Democrats were either for the tariff or against it,
9ccAnd the Republicans had the exactly opposite view.
10Actually, about the only way a president could get any attention at this point was to be assassinated,
11ddWhich some of them were,
12eeBecause the Yanks have always been pretty adamant about their rights,
13ffIncluding the right to free self-expression,
14ggAnd the right to bear arms,
15aAnd the right to bear arms while exercising your right to free self-expression,
16bWhile firing off a hail of bullets at the same time,
17If that’s the way you want to do it,
18cBecause that’s the American Way,
19And always has been.
20Anyway,
21This helps explain why dPresident Guiteau was gunned down by a dastardly assassin named eGarfield,
22Unless it was the other way around,
23And why fPresident McKinley got shot by somebody or other for some reason or other,
24Shortly before gTeddy Roosevelt became president,
25Unless it was someone else instead.
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Chapter 57 / 154