THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
Custer surprises the IndiansThe Indians don’t get to first base
Chapter 52
fHere’s how it happened.
2gGeneral Custer was stationed out west somewhere,
3hIn Indian country,
4With a cavalry troop that someone had placed under his command,
5iProbably after thinking about it the way Grant had taught all his officers to.
6Anyway,
7Custer started following some Indian tracks,
8Which weren’t too hard to follow,
9Because they completely blanketed the entire plain, as far as the eye could see.
10After he had followed them for a while,
11Custer came to the conclusion that a frontal assault would be too risky,
12And so he decided,
13jWith typical Yank ingenuity,
14That the best thing to do would be to split up the kSeventh Cavalry into seven groups,
15And then kind of surround the Indians and overwhelm them with surprise,
16Or something like that,
17lAlthough nobody knows for sure.
18And so that’s exactly what mCuster did.
19nWhen they found the remains of the Seventh Cavalry a few days later at the Little Big Horn,
20There wasn’t much left,
21oExcept maybe a big bloodstain marking the spot of Custer’s Last Stand,
22Which suggested that there must have been some kind of a flaw in the general’s plan,
23Whatever it was.
24But more important than this was the evidence that Indians were totally uncivilized,
25aMeaning they had killed and scalped every member of a U.S. force that was obviously too small to pose any real threat,
26Which just isn’t civilized behavior,
27Because if you’re the wrong color or nationality, it’s never a good idea to remind the Yanks that you are there,
28Especially by killing some of them,
29Not to mention stupid,
30bBecause nobody knows more about getting even than the Yanks.
✦ · · ✦ · · ✦
Chapter 52 / 154