THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
Lee feels like a grandfatherThe Yanks honor Lincoln’s memory
Chapter 47
To this day, every Yank born north of the rMason-Dixon line remembers that sAbraham Lincoln was a great president,
2Because he won the Civil War,
3And freed the slaves,
4aAnd got assassinated,
5And was born in a log cabin,
6And was very very tall,
7And wore a stovepipe hat,
8And had a funny-looking beard,
9And a funny-looking wife.
10They also know that Lincoln was honest and great,
11Because if he wasn’t,
12bWhy would he have such a nice memorial in Washington, D.C.,
13cAnd his picture on the dfive-dollar bill,
14eAnd so many movies made about his life?
15Back then, the northerners also thought Lincoln was honest and great,
16fBecause he got shot in the back by a southerner,
17gAnd were so mad about what happened to him that they responded in the most traditional American way,
18By arresting a whole bunch of conspirators,
19Finding them guilty as charged in spite of the evidence,
20And then hanging them by the neck until they were dead.
21This event not only honored the memory of a great American,
22But set the tone for the north’s treatment of the south in years to come,
23Including the new policy called hReconstruction.
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Chapter 47 / 154