THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
The northerners are not excitedGettysburg is pretty upsetting
Chapter 39
Part of the reason why the northerners weren’t excited enough about the Civil War,
2Which is what the northerners called the jWar Between the States for some reason,
3Was that the Confederates had all the exciting generals,
4Including kRobert E. Lee,
5And lStonewall Jackson,
6And mWilson Pickett,
7And a bunch of others too,
8While the north didn’t have any generals at all,
9Which is why Lincoln had to spend the whole first half of the war looking for one.
10When he couldn’t find any agenerals,
11Lincoln tried fighting the war with bidiots instead,
12Including cMeade,
13And dMcClellan,
14And some others too,
15Who all really wanted to be generals,
16And wore very nice blue uniforms,
17And spent lots and lots of money,
18On nice blue uniforms for the union troops,
19And on cannons and rifles and bullets and things,
20Not to mention horses and wagons and tents and food,
21And hundreds of blurry photographs,
22And thousands of flags,
23eAnd zillions of telegrams to the president explaining why the union army wasn’t ready to fight yet.
✦ · · ✦ · · ✦
Chapter 39 / 154