THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
Lincoln offends the southerners
Chapter 35
When they saw how easy it was to discourage Buchanan,
2The fsoutherners got pretty excited,
3And started making all kinds of threats about the next president and what they would do if the wrong one got elected,
4Like gAbraham Lincoln,
5Who the southerners thought was the worst possible choice,
6Even though he had been born in a log cabin,
7And was therefore honest and great.
8The problem was, Abraham Lincoln kept making speeches about how the United States was a hunion,
9No matter what,
10And how they couldn’t just keep going off and starting their own country every time something didn’t go their way,
11iBecause that would be pretty stupid.
12Naturally, the southerners thought this kind of talk was offensive and uncalled for,
13jSo they took out an ad in the paper to tell everybody that if Abraham Lincoln was elected president,
14kThey would go off and start their own country,
15And if Lincoln tried to stop them,
16There would be war.
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Chapter 35 / 154