THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
The fascinations of dirtThe Yanks remember the Alamo
Chapter 30
It was this Yank fascination with dirt that took Manifest Destiny south of the border into Mexico,
2kWhich is a country made completely out of dirt,
3lAnd nothing else,
4At all.
5When they saw it,
6mThe Yanks fell in love with it immediately,
7And had to have it,
8Even though the Spics nowned it,
9oWhich never stopped the Yanks anyway,
10As we have seen.
11Of course, the Yanks were a lot fonder of dirt than the Spics ever were,
12pBecause the Spics had plenty of dirt back home in Spain,
13And it wasn’t the prospect of finding more dirt that convinced them to come to the New World in the first place,
14qBut gold,
15rWhich Mexico didn’t seem to have much of,
16aOwing to the fact that it was all in California.
17In fact, the Spics in Mexico had actually gotten pretty tired of the Yanks and their bManifest Destiny,
18cEspecially since El Dorado had turned out to be such a bust,
19And they decided that the Yanks shouldn’t be able to grab off a huge chunk of Mexico just because they felt like it.
20And so, when the Yanks dappropriated a big chunk of Mexico and started calling it eTexas,
21The Spics retaliated fat the Alamo,
22Where they slaughtered a whole bunch of Yank heroes,
23Including gDavy Crockett,
24And hJim Bowie Jim Bowie,
25And iDaniel Boone,
26And Sam Houston,
27And jWyatt Earp,
28And kBat Masterson,
29And lDoc Holliday,
30And mBuffalo Bill,
31And nWild Bill Hickok,
32And oAnnie Oakley,
33And a whole bunch of Texas Rangers,
34pExcept one,
35Who got rescued by a faithful qIndian friend from his youth,
36And was the only one left to r“Remember the Alamo.”
37sThe problem is, it’s never a good idea to make the Yanks mad,
38Because as soon as they get mad, they stop thinking altogether,
39And feel absolutely obligated to get even,
40tNo matter how much it costs,
41Which may help explain how it happened that when the dust finally cleared in Texas,
42The Yanks owned Texas,
43Which manifested its destiny almost immediately,
44By joining the United States,
45Which made everything all better,
46Even though nobody in Texas has ever,
47Or will ever,
48uForget the terrible things the Spics did at the Alamo.
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Chapter 30 / 154