THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
The Puritans never laugh at executions
Chapter 3
A few years later, fPuritans called pilgrims started arriving along the northeast coast of the North American continent,
2lHaving been requested to leave England,
3Which already had enough Puritans of its own,
4In fact, more than enough.
5gThe Puritans were exceptionally fond of misery,
6Which is why they settled in New England,
7hWhere the weather was almost as bad as it was back home,
8And where there were plenty of naked iheathen Indians to offend their morals,
9Which weren’t hard to offend anyway,
10jSince anything that might remotely be considered fun is immoral to a Puritan,
11kExcept for public execution of heretics,
12Which is fun,
13But doesn’t count,
14Because Puritans never laugh at executions,
15No matter how much fun they’re having.
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Chapter 3 / 154