THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
MacArthur goes senile in Korea
Chapter 135
By this time, of course, Truman knew that dMacArthur wasn’t any good at fighting wars,
2And started telling him to stick to U.S. policy,
3Which consisted of hanging around the 38th parallel,
4And hoping the Chinese communists would go away.
5But when Truman explained this to MacArthur,
6MacArthur couldn’t understand it,
7At all,
8Because he was senile,
9eAnd thought that the idea of war was to go fight as hard as you can, get it all over with as soon as you can, and then come home,
10Which was all wrong,
11Because the Yanks were living in the nuclear age now,
12fAnd everything was different,
13Meaning that sometimes the hardest military decision is the decision to do nothing at all,
14gEven if a bunch of Yank troops have to die for it,
15hBecause when you’re the Most Chosen Nation in the World,
16You can’t always do the first thing that pops into your head,
17And besides,
18What else was there to do exactly?
19But MacArthur was around the bend,
20And he wouldn’t obey Truman’s orders because he thought they were wrong,
21iWhich is the worst possible crime a soldier can commit,
22And so he bombed China,
23And therefore had to be fired,
24Which Truman did very very decisively,
25jThus proving that he had been right all along,
26kEven if MacArthur did get the biggest ticker-tape parade anyone ever had when he came home,
27Right before he lfaded away.
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Chapter 135 / 154