THE BOOK OF DAMN
YANKEES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF MANIFEST DESTINY
The Yanks hurt everybody’s feelings
Chapter 112
In fact, the Yanks were in so much of a hurry that they managed to hurt almost everybody’s feelings.
2gFor example, the Brits thought the best way to bomb Germany into submission was to drop a lot of bombs on their hcities at night,
3But the Yanks thought that would take too long because it’s so hard to aim at night,
4And so the Yanks sent their ibombers to Germany in broad daylight so they could see to aim,
5jWhich hurt the Krauts’ feelings,
6kBecause daylight bombing turned out to be a lot more damaging than nighttime bombing,
7Especially if you have a city made completely out of lchina.
8mThen the Yanks hurt the Italians’ feelings by invading Italy in the wrong place,
9nWhich was a place called Anzio,
10Right next to the Monte Cassino abbey,
11Which had been a historical landmark for about a thousand years,
12oUntil the Yanks decided it was so full of Kraut troops that it was holding up progress,
13And bombed it into rubble,
14Just to keep things moving.
15The Yanks also hurt the feelings of the Nips by being in too much of a hurry.
16For example, they couldn’t wait until they actually had bombers within range of Japan,
17Because they wanted to bomb Japan right away,
18Or sooner than that if possible,
19And so they sent pGeneral Doolittle to bomb Japan from thousands of miles away,
20Which the Nips thought was impolite,
21qAnd even a little worrisome.
22Then the Yanks decided that it would take too much time to fight the rNips on every little island they had grabbed,
23sAnd just skipped a bunch of them,
24So that they could get closer to Japan,
25Faster,
26And get the darned thing over with sooner,
27Because there wasn’t any food in the South Pacific either.
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Chapter 112 / 154