THE GOOD WORD ACCORDING TO · THE ULTRA-HARRIER
VINNIE
Harry lays it on the massesHarry delivers the best possible news
Chapter 13
And the multitude screamed and whistled and shouted for Harry to proceed,
2Because they dug what he was saying,
3Since it was so jheavy and right on,
4So that they all piped down when Harry opened his mouth to speak again, in these words:
5Maybe you’ve always felt like you weren’t really good enough to have the things you want,
6And maybe that used to be true,
7Because let’s be honest,
8You’ve never been real interested in certain things,
9kSuch as self-improvement,
10lAnd thinking about what you do before you do it,
11mAnd controlling your most basic animal instincts,
12And reflecting on the nconsequences of your actions,
13Either before or after you do something that’s going to have consequences,
14Which maybe explains why oyou and the people you come from have never gotten to first base,
15And you’re still sitting at the pbottom looking up,
16qIn spite of the fact that a lot of your families have been citizens of the Most Chosen Nation on Earth since the beginning,
17rOr very close to the beginning, anyway,
18aAnd in spite of the fact that the Most Chosen Nation has tried very hard to give everyone a chance to succeed,
19Including a whole bunch of bfederal programs that are supposed to help you become decent, respectable, hard-working, prosperous citizens,
20For free,
21And yet, here you are,
22Looking up at me with your bad teeth,
23And your cbeer bellies,
24And you dull little dpig eyes,
25And your bizarre etattoos,
26fAnd countless other dead giveaways of your poverty, your lack of taste and insight, and your lack of intelligence,
27Not to mention your lack of good personal ghygiene.
28But in spite of all this,
29I am here to give you the best possible news,
30Which is that there is no reason whatever for you to feel inferior,
31In any way,
32From now on,
33Because you are hnot inferior,
34Anymore,
35In fact,
36You are all just great,
37iExactly the way you are.
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Chapter 13 / 75