THE BOOK OF HARRIER BRAYER
The Litany
¶ To be used after the third Platitude at Morning or Evening Brayer; or before the taking of Consolation; or separately.
OGreat Big Bang, which created the earth and everything in it;
We wash our hands of you.
O Great Big Bomb, which will destroy the earth and everything in it;
We wash our hands of you.
O Great Big One, which is the day of the second and last Big Bang;
We wash our hands of you.
O powerful, deadly, and frightening trinity, one Great Big Joke;
We wash our hands of you.
We do not quite remember any offenses we may have committed, nor any offenses our forefathers have committed; nor do we wish to remember: For the Great Big Joke does not remember either, since it has never known of us in the first place, which we now know, and know better than to think about, and all because of Harry.
Thank you, Harry.
From all guilt and heresy; from sin; from the crafts and assaults of religion; from the fear of God, and of everlasting damnation,
Harry set us free.
From kindness of heart; from pride, honor, and duty; from effort, sacrifice, and conscience, and all charitable obligations,
Harry set us free.
From doubt and uncertainty; and from all introspections and recriminations and unwelcome thoughts of any kind,
Harry set us free.
By the words from his mouth; by the guidance and advice he rendered; by the example of his conduct, and the mysteries he explained,
Harry set us free.
By his arrest and indictment; by his conviction and life sentence; by his amazing escape to Rio, with his whole fortune intact; and his gift of the Silver Ghosts,
Harry set us free.
No matter what happens, or who gets mad, whether the world ends now or later,
Harry set us free.
We Harriers are free to do whatever we want, whenever we want to do it, without losing sleep over it;
Harry sure took a load off our minds, all right.
Free to express our desires, because they are ours, and we are the way we are, which is the way Nature works;
Harry sure took a load off our minds, all right.
Free to feel completely certain about everything, without having to think about it at all, because certainty is its own logic and proof;
Harry sure took a load off our minds, all right.
Free to blame anybody, for anything, for any reason that occurs to us, off the top of our heads, because we are never at fault;
Harry sure took a load off our minds, all right.
Free to climb the Tree of Man, as high as we want to go, because all that fruit is just sitting there waiting for somebody, and why not us?
Harry sure took a load off our minds, all right.
First Born After the Bomb, you sure took a load off our minds.
First Born After the Bomb, you sure took a load off our minds.
First Babe of the Boom, who took a fortune with him to Rio,
Lend us your luck.
First Babe of the Boom, who took a fortune with him to Rio,
Wish us a windfall.
O Chief, we are serious.
O Chief, we are serious.
Harry, wish us a windfall.
Harry, wish us a windfall.
Chief, wish us a windfall.
Chief, wish us a windfall.
Harry, wish us a windfall.
Harry, wish us a windfall.
¶ Then shall the Chosen One, and the People with him, say the Harriers Brayer.
Our Friend, who art in Rio, Harry is your name. Your time has come. Your way is fun, up north, as it is in Rio. We live for today and are rarely blamed. We forget our trespasses, as we forget those we have trespassed against. We yield to temptation, but are not evil. So there.
¶ The Chosen One may, at his discretion, omit all that follows, to the Brayer, We humbly remind you, O Harry, etc.
Chosen One.
O Chief, deal with us not according to our merits.
But deal with us according to our desires.
OHarry, excellent Friend, who despises not the certainty of an unthinking mind, nor the desire to escape accountability for everything; please continue to approve the brayers we utter in your name when we encounter troubles and adversities, whensoever someone thwarts our desires or seeks to heap blame and other misfortunes upon us; and generously cheer us on in our endeavors, that those setbacks which others plot against us, may, by your incredible luck, be brought to nought; that we, your followers, being hurt with no blame, may continue to pay for the services of your Parish, and aggrandize your fame and fortune further. So there.
¶ Chosen One and People.
O Chief, smile upon us, and help us get away with everything, for your name’s sake.
Chosen One.
O Harry, we have heard with our ears, and your Ultra-Harriers have declared unto us in writing, the amazing things that you pulled off when you were here, and in the time since, and we could not be any more impressed.
¶ Chosen One and People.
O Chief, smile upon us, and help us get away with everything, just like you did.
Chosen One.
GOLD be to Harry in Rio, and up north bliss, our full fill of it, for as long as it lasts.
As it was at the beginning of Harry’s Way, is now, and ever shall be, until the end of the world. So there.
From our enemies protect us, O Chief.
Merrily approve our machinations.
Keep our hearts armored in self-pity.
Help us be blind to the desires of others.
Graciously feign to hear our brayers.
O Son of David, be our Friend.
Both now and ever, pretend to hear us, O Chief.
Graciously feign to hear us, O Chief; graciously hear us, O Friendly Chief.
O Chief, let your luck be showered upon us;
As we do shower you with cash contributions.
Let us bray.
We humbly remind you, O Harry, that we are fine just the way we are; and so, for the greater glory of your name, turn from us all those meddlers who seek to improve us in any way; and acknowledge that in all our endeavors, we may do what we want, when we want to do it, no matter who gets hurt, just as you advised in your own words when you were here; so that we may go on praising you and participating in your Parish; with the full approval of you who are our only mentor and ally, Harry, First Babe of the Boom. So there.
¶ The Chosen One may end the Litany here, or at his discretion add other Brayers from this book.
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