ULTRA-HARRIER TONY’S CHAIN LETTER · TO THE
SWARTHMORONS
Cultivate a sense of obscurityEpiphanies are everything
Chapter 17
Indeed, the path of art for art’s sake is most notable for its ease.
2Because it can be pursued successfully by almost anyone with a good command of grammar and vocabulary,
3cAnd a really good dictionary of quotations,
4Which is good news for you,
5dBecause hardly anyone has real command of the language anymore,
6And when you show off your excellent grammar and vocabulary,
7Everyone will know that you are a great artist,
8Even if you never think about anything at all.
9For example, you can write in ironic terms about the emptiness of life in the shadow of imminent doom,
10Without ever actually mentioning nuclear warfare or acid rain,
11As long as you make some opaque reference to ewhat the thunder said,
12And people will get the idea,
13Even if they can’t figure out the precise meaning of a single sentence.
14fYou can write ironically and allusively about the tragedy of man’s inhumanity to man,
15Or woman,
16Without presenting any new evidence,
17Or adding any fresh ideas on the subject,
18Because no one expects any fresh ideas from literature.
19gWhat they expect from literature is that it go on writing ironically and allusively about the imminence of doom and man’s inhumanity to man,
20hBecause that is what they have learned to expect from serious literature,
21And they will know that you are good or great,
22Depending on how impossible it is to understand what you are saying in particular.
23You can write about the general pain and anguish of existence,
24Without ever having to experience the pain and anguish of existence,
25Because it is incredibly easy to write about nothing at all,
26iAnd insert a whole bunch of subtle literary allusions after the fact to inform the educated reader that what you are really talking about here is the pain and anguish of human existence,
27Which they approve of,
28Because that is your job,
29And somebody has to do it.
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Chapter 17 / 38