THE BOOK OF
SPICS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF EL DORADO
A mirage called El Dorado
Chapter 7
The Spanish Inquisition was what the Spics had instead of a aRenaissance.
2When the rest of Europe decided to stop having a bDark Age and start thinking about a lot of things, and reading and writing about a lot of things, and then making up art and science and history and new interpretations of religion, the Spics got very upset.
3To them, having a cDark Age wasn’t just some thousand-year fad, but the basis of their whole culture, and they weren’t going to stand around and do nothing while the whole world went to hell in a hand basket.
4So they set up an dInquisition to look into the new ways of thinking and reading and writing and so forth,
5And since they couldn’t read, they naturally had to ask people to explain the new things to them,
6Which they did, with the help of religious artifacts that encouraged people to cooperate with them.
7eFor example, the Spics had artifacts that encouraged people to cooperate by tearing them limb from limb, disemboweling them, burning them to death, and so forth.
8The more they looked into it, the more convinced they were that the new ways were evil and unchristian,
9fBecause look at what happened to the people who were involved with these new ways.
10And so, being Christian, they helped out all they could by saving the souls of the people who had gotten involved with the wrong ideas,
11Including religious gheretics, and philosophers, and scientists, and artists, and Jews, of course,
12hAnd especially Jews.
13iThey did this by tearing them limb from limb, disemboweling them, burning them to death, and so forth,
14Which as you’ll recall, is the very best way to get into heaven,
15jIf you’re a Christian.
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