THE BOOK OF
RUSSKIES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE MOTHERLAND
Stalin builds an iron curtain
Chapter 20
When the Germans surrendered, Stalin claimed that all of eastern Europe belonged to Russia,
2Including Poland,
3And Czechoslovakia,
4And Hungary,
5And Albania,
6And Romania,
7And East Germany,
8Because any fool could see that all the eastern Europeans had become completely miserable under Hitler,
9And had therefore become spiritual comrades of the Russkies,
10bWho were the only ones that knew how to maintain just the right level of misery.
11Then Stalin went to work building a gigantic iron curtain that would keep western Europe out of the communist cparadise the Russkies were creating in eastern Europe.
12The other victorious allies,
13Including the Americans and the British and the French,
14Saw and accepted the wisdom of Stalin’s logic,
15dFor some reason,
16eAnd agreed to it on behalf of the Poles and the Czechs and the Hungarians and the Albanians and the Romanians and the East Germans,
17Except the part about Berlin,
18Which couldn’t possibly belong to Russia,
19fFor some reason.
20Then,
21Just to make sure that the Europeans and the Americans knew better than to try to gbreak in,
22hStalin also arranged to borrow some nuclear secrets from the Americans,
23Although the Russkies claimed that they developed the technology on their own,
24Which is probably true,
25iSince everyone knows that the Russkies have always excelled at science and high technology,
26Beginning with the invention of the potato,
27Not to mention the invention of vodka.
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Chapter 20 / 26