THE BOOK OF
RUSSKIES
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE MOTHERLAND
The Russkies give Marxism a try
Chapter 16
The way the Russkies looked at it, fMarxism made perfect sense,
2gBecause if capitalism was a rotten system that led to stinking industrial cities full of mistreated workers,
3hAnd would inevitably be replaced by a Marxist system in which the mistreated industrial workers would seize control of the whole industrial structure,
4Then why wait for the iindustrial revolution to reach Russia?
5Why not skip ahead,
6From a basically feudal agricultural economy to a modern industrial Marxist state,
7jWhere everything would be perfect?
8And so they did.
9They shot the czar,
10And his family,
11kA whole bunch of times,
12Until they were all dead,
13Except maybe for lPrincess Anastasia,
14Who might have survived and become a movie star later,
15Unless she didn’t.
16mThen they shot Rasputin,
17nAnd poisoned him,
18oAnd stabbed him,
19pAnd drowned him,
20Until he was probably dead,
21Although you can never be completely sure about mad monks.
22qThen they shot all the Russkie nobles,
23rAnd their families,
24sAnd all their friends and acquaintances,
25tAnd then a whole bunch of peasants who thought that the next thing to do was be free and democratic,
26Because being free and democratic might lead to dire consequences,
27Like the end of misery,
28Which isn’t Russian,
29And can’t be tolerated.
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Chapter 16 / 26