THE BOOK OF
PSAYINGS
Baseball is the greatest gameThe universe has lots of things in it
Psaying 5S
S is for Sports and Games every man should know how to play,
2Including all the rules,
3bbbSo you’ll always know when you’re wrong and can be a good sport about it.
4aFor example, there’s baseball, which is the greatest game ever invented by anyone anywhere,
5bWhich is why you’ve got to know how to throw a baseball like a man, and not like some girl,
6And how to hit a curveball,
7And how to get at least a piece of even the nastiest strike, because a cfoul is better than a strikeout,
8Which always make you feel absolutely awful, like you let your teammates down or something.
9dAnd then there’s football, which is a great high school and college game,
10eAnd a great way to learn about how to get back on your feet after you’ve been knocked on your can,
11fNo matter how many times it happens,
12gAnd boxing, which every man needs to know how to do, because sometimes you have to stand up and fight for your dignity, whether you want to or not.
13And there are other great sports too that you can play all your life, even after you can’t take the physical punishment kids can,
14Like hgolf and tennis, which are fun to play with friends, unless you’re the kind of ihothead that always has to win, no matter what,
15In which case you should play something else,
16jLike solitaire.
17And there are also sports that you should know about because other people like to play them and even watch them,
18For some reason,
19kLike soccer, which is pretty much of a waste of time unless you’re planning to hang around with Europeans,
20lAnd cricket, which is what the British play because they don’t know about baseball,
21mAnd rugby, which is what the British play because they don’t know about football,
22nAnd basketball, which is at least American,
23oAnd hockey, which is an excellent way to get all your teeth knocked out, like the Canadians do.
24And then later in life, there are games that don’t involve athletics, but that people like to play, and some of them it’s a good idea to know how to play, and others it isn’t,
25Like bridge, for example, which pwomen like to play and men don’t, and so it’s better not to know how,
26qAnd backgammon, which certain kinds of men like to play, for some reason, maybe because they don’t have the brains for rpoker,
27Which is a great game, unless you’re not good at it, which you can find out easily enough, because if you’re not good at it, you’ll lose smoney.
28There’s also chess, which is supposed to be a great game,
29But personally I’ve never understood it,
30And don’t want to either,
31Because chess players seem to take the game too seriously,
32Which you just can’t do,
33Because no matter what anybody tells you,
34A game is only a game,
35And if you want to take something seriously, then make sure it isn’t a game,
36But something important instead,
37aLike your responsibilities and duties in life,
38Unless you’re planning to be the kind of jerk that can’t tell the difference.
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Psaying 5S / 32