THE GOOD WORD ACCORDING TO · THE ULTRA-HARRIER
NED
The one about the Great Big BombThe one about the VIPs
Chapter 17
Other times, Harry did the one about the lVIPs,
2And how they had figured everything out already,
3mWhich meant there was nothing left to figure out,
4And so it was better to quit thinking,
5And try to satisfy your own npersonal desires instead,
6Because what else is there?
7oAnd when the youngsters said they really hadn’t ever read much about the VIPs,
8Harry just smiled and said,
9I can tell you everything you need to know,
10Because I’m the pOne with the answers,
11To all the questions the VIPs worried about.
12There was a qVIP who figured out that the universe is only some big rrandom accident anyway, which means the Great Race of Mankind is only a bad sape joke that’s rocketing toward a nasty punch line.
13There was a tVIP who figured out that the punch line to the ape joke will be unuclear and final.
14There was a vVIP who figured out that we can’t really control ourselves anyway, no matter how hard we try, because our adeepest drives are as ugly as they are powerful, and besides, our bparents finished off any chance we ever had to be better by raising us the way they did, unless it was really our cgenes that finished us off, which is just another way of restating the ape joke.
15There was a dVIP who figured out that the only thing worth doing in life is satisfying everybody’s ematerial needs, because nobody is any better than anyone else, really, especially if we’re just some big accident in a totally random, godless universe.
16There was a fVIP who figured out that the best way to satisfy your own material needs is gcapitalism, which means finding enough dumb, hapless losers to do all the work for you, no matter who gets hurt, so that the winners can have more hthings, which we all want to have because of our genes, unless it’s because of our drives instead.
17There was a iVIP who figured out that you just can’t save the world from itself, no matter how good you are, or how hard you try, so why bother?
18There was a jVIP who figured out that you can get away with absolutely kanything, as long as you’ve got the right kind of lpromoter to establish a market.
19Now all of these VIPs wondered for a long time what all this meant, and what we should do about it,
20But they couldn’t come up with anything,
21And so they left their unanswered questions as a mhot potato for future generations,
22nBut there aren’t going to be too many future generations,
23So here I am with the answer,
24Which is to forget about it all,
25oExcept the part about getting away with absolutely anything,
26Which you can do,
27If you do what I say,
28Without thinking about it at all.
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Chapter 17 / 56