VICE-PRESIDENT WAYNE’S EXECUTIVE BRIEFING · FOR THE
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Talk about quality
Chapter 19
For example, if the professional blamers point out that you’ve forgotten what quality is,
2Then start talking about quality.
3cPut the word “quality” in your company slogan,
4dMake speeches about quality,
5Put up a lot of eposters to remind your employees about quality,
6And hire a whole bunch of new stupid people whose fjob it is to improve quality.
7It doesn’t matter at all that none of this will really improve quality,
8Since quality is an obsolete ideal,
9Based on obsolete concepts such as hard gwork,
10hAnd pride,
11iAnd personal responsibility,
12And other nonsense like that.
13jBut if you keep talking about quality, eventually everyone will stop trying to blame you when your products don’t work, or fall apart the first time they try to use them,
14Because it’s easier to find someone else to blame,
15Or another thing to blame you for.
16But that’s not so bad either,
17Because when they start blaming you for being slow and inept,
18All you have to do is start talking about how fast and ept you’re going to be,
19kUntil everyone loses interest,
20And goes on to something else,
21And so forth,
22And so on.
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Chapter 19 / 38