THE BOOK OF
KRAUTS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF GÖTTERDÄMMERUNG
Several kinds of KrautsThe German language sounds beautiful
Chapter 5
It turned out that most of the Krauts were pretty good at culture,
2Except for the Prussian Krauts,
3Who spent most of their time fighting duels and comparing their facial scars,
4nWhich they had a lot of,
5Because if you have a lot of scars all over your face,
6You can’t possibly be mistaken for a pig,
7oSince pigs almost never fight with swords.
8pThis convinced the Prussians that they were better than the other Krauts,
9And so they decided to be a separate nation,
10qAnd fight as many wars as possible,
11rTo make sure that they could always have plenty of scars,
12Which they always did,
13Not to mention fancy uniforms and boots,
14Which the Prussians invented,
15aBecause you almost never see pigs wearing fancy uniforms and boots.
16The other Krauts didn’t quite see it that way, though,
17Since if pigs don’t wear fancy uniforms and boots,
18Then how come all the Prussians did?
19And so they decided to concentrate on other things instead,
20Things that didn’t have anything to do with trying to prove to the world that you’re not a pig,
21bLike literature,
22cAnd music,
23dAnd philosophy,
24eAnd architecture,
25Because they were genuinely interested in concepts like truth and beauty and knowledge and indestructible buildings,
26And besides, when was the last time you saw a pig write a symphony?
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