THE BOOK OF
KRAUTS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF GÖTTERDÄMMERUNG
The Krauts are not stupid
Chapter 2
For many many years, there was no Germany at all,
2But just a place where a lot of different barbarian tribes lived,
3hIncluding the Goths and Visigoths and Ostrogoths,
4iAnd the Vandals and Visivandals and Ostrovandals,
5jAnd the Angles and Visiangles and Ostroangles,
6kAnd the Saxons and Visisaxons and Ostrosaxons,
7lNot to mention the Huns.
8mHaving helped all they could to destroy the Roman Empire,
9nThe barbarians didn’t feel like becoming a nation for a long while,
10oAnd spent the first part of the Middle Ages drinking beer and having little wars with each other.
11Back then, nobody got too upset with the Germans,
12pEven though they ate too many pork dishes,
13qIncluding sauerkraut,
14And therefore got a reputation for being fat stupid Krauts,
15Like they were pigs or something,
16rWhich maybe explains why the other Europeans decided that all the pig farms and cabbage fields east of the Rhine were a separate country,
17And figured they must belong to the Krauts,
18Because nobody else really wanted them.
19sBut the Krauts were pretty happy about it,
20And suddenly got very excited about being a nation,
21tAnd even started calling themselves the Holy Roman Empire,
22Which might have been their way of getting warmed up for later on,
23Although everybody else thought it was pretty silly,
24uSince who would ever believe that a bunch of fat stupid Krauts could ever have an empire?
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Chapter 2 / 39