THE ADVICE OF THE ARCH-ANGEL MATTHEW · TO THE
KENSINGTONIANS
A bunch of trouble waiting to happenNever apologize to anyone
Chapter 5
Everybody knows you’re a bunch of crude, ignorant, vicious cracists,
2dWho’d rather have a good barroom brawl than accomplish anything worthwhile.
3When they see you on the street in a nice neighborhood, their first desire is to get away from you,
4Because you smell bad,
5And because you look like a whole bunch of trouble just waiting to happen.
6They look at you for five seconds and they think they can see your whole family tree, extending back for ten generations,
7eAll the way back to wherever your ancestors came from,
8fWhich they were probably kicked out of,
9Because nobody anywhere ever wants anything to do with brutal, lazy, pig-eyed trash like you.
10And so they have this gpicture of your ancestor getting off some boat from Glasgow or Belfast or Liverpool,
11With a hbloody knife in his pants,
12And a shifty look in his eye,
13Because he’s already afraid of the cops,
14Who just might find that butchered corpse in the hold,
15And come looking for the worthless brute that did it.
16More than this, they have a pretty good idea of what happened next,
17How your ancestor married some gap-toothed, half-wit hag,
18iAnd had a bunch of screaming dirty children,
19Who got savage beatings instead of love,
20And got even by having children of their own,
21For generation,
22After generation,
23jAfter generation,
24kOf losers.
25They look at lyou and see your mdaddy,
26And your ngranddaddy,
27And your ogreat-granddaddy,
28And his pdaddy too,
29qAll in prison,
30For excellent reasons,
31Not to mention a river of rrotgut booze flowing steadily through generation after generation,
32While no one learns anything,
33Ever.
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Chapter 5 / 39