THE ADVICE OF THE ARCH-ANGEL MATTHEW · TO THE
KENSINGTONIANS
Figuring out the Christian thing
Chapter 26
aBut a lot of you believed in God too,
2And you tried as hard as you could to figure out the Christian thing,
3Which worked pretty well,
4bBecause you figured it a lot like the whole country did,
5Meaning that there were times you were on your best behavior because Jesus was probably watching,
6Like when you got married and had babies and dinner at Mom’s house and card games with your best buddies,
7cAnd then there were times when turn the other cheek just doesn’t cut it,
8Because that isn’t real life,
9And sometimes you just put the Bible on the shelf and go take care of business,
10dAnd getting it over with in a big hurry is the best you can do for Jesus at times like that,
11Because He isn’t here in Kensington when your wife’s new boyfriend slashes the tires,
12And how’s he going to learn not to do that, and be more like Jesus would be, if you don’t teach him the price of being a dirty homewrecking animal?
13eAnd if that was such a wrong reading of Jesus, then how come the country kept giving you a whistle every fifty years or so,
14fAnd sending you off to teach some uppity jerk a serious Kensingtonian lesson?
15What is it that you figured wrong?
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Chapter 26 / 39