THE BOOK OF HARRIER BRAYER
A Catechism for Junior Harriers
THAT IS TO SAY, AN INCANTATION, TO BE SAID BY EVERY PERSON BEFORE HE BE ADULTIFIED BY THE ARCH-HARRIER FOR HIS PARISH HOUSE
QUESTION. What is your Name?
Answer. N. or N. N.
Question. Who gave you this Name?
Answer. My Sponsors in Harry; wherein I was made a member of the Harrier Parish, a Babe of the Boom, and a Son (a Child) of the Bomb.
Question. What did your Sponsors then promise for you?
Answer. They did promise and vow three things in my name: First, that I should renounce the concept of evil and all the baggage that goes with it, including belief in guilt and sin and personal responsibility, and all fear of burning forever in hell; Secondly, that I should subscribe to the Harriers’ Creed and follow Harry’s Way, without really thinking about it; And Thirdly, that I should do pretty much what I wanted to, when I wanted to do it, no matter who got hurt.
Question. Do you think these promises are a burden to you in any way?
Answer. I have never thought about them at all, one way or the other.
Question. Recite the Harriers’ Creed.
Answer. I have never felt like memorizing the Harriers’ Creed, and so I have never done it, and besides, I don’t see how it matters whether I know it or not anyway.
Question. Do you know approximately what it says?
Answer. Should I?
Question. I don’t know. I’m just reading what it says on the page, just like you. Only better, of course, because in my day, we still had to learn how to read in school.
Answer. Why?
Question. Because Harry hadn’t come along yet to set us free.
Answer. Bummer. But I still don’t see what was so special about Harry.
Question. Well, before Harry came along, everyone thought that maybe they should be trying to be better than they really were, and had some kind of duty to their neighbors or poor people or people like that, and that they were supposed to feel kind of guilty all the time about how they never really thought about anything, except what they wanted. Then Harry explained how that was all a waste of time, and the only way to be was the way you were already, and if anybody didn’t like that, who cares about them anyway?
Answer. Sounds pretty obvious to me. So why do we have to have a Harrier Parish, and do a bunch of services, and sing stupid hymns, and like that?
Question. Well, the Order of Consolation is a pretty important service, as you’d know if you knew anything, and it makes sure that Harriers get what they need to get by in life. As for the rest of it, well, whether they believe in anything or not, most people like to know that there are a whole bunch of other people just exactly like them, so they won’t get to worrying about it, and a lot of Harriers kind of enjoy knowing that there are lots and lots of other Harriers out there with them, not thinking about anything at all.
Answer. And what about the Harriers that don’t come to your services?
Question. A lot of them have their own private connections for Consolation. And then, of course, there are any number of Harriers, say millions and millions, who don’t actually know that they are members of the Greater Harrier Parish because they’ve never given it any thought, one way or the other.
Answer. Are they like in trouble or anything?
Question. No, of course not. They’re still Harriers, no matter what they don’t think about, and the only problem is, some of them still worry that maybe someday, somehow, they’ll have to pay for the way they are. If they knew more about the Way of Harry, they’d be able to get over that, but chances are, they’re doing most things according to the Way of Harry anyway.
Answer. What’s so great about this Order of Consolation you keep talking about?
Question. Be advised that Curiosity of any kind is one of the Seven Early Warning Signs of Thinking, and you shouldn’t risk it.
Answer. I was just making conversation.
Question. It is not your duty to make conversation. Be rude and sullen instead, which is much more in line with the Way of Harry.
Answer. Does that mean we’re done with all this stuff?
Question. Do you know the Trinity of Harry?
Answer. I’m through answering your stupid questions. I’m absolutely and completely uninterested in the Trinity of Harry, and if you make me late for my date, I’ll burn your house down.
Question. I see that you do know the Trinity of Harry, and that you are fully qualified to be Adultified, as laid out in the Book of Harrier Brayer.
Answer. Later.
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