THE PRESCRIPTION OF THE CHOSEN ONE MIKE · FOR THE
JEFFERSONIANS
A cure that’s worse than the diseaseA truly debilitating condition
Chapter 7
dParanoius digesticus.
2This is a condition that afflicts medical personnel of all types,
3But can be especially burdensome for the eincome-oriented physician,
4For reasons I will explain in a moment.
5The fact is that much of the continuously expanding income opportunity for physicians has been provided by the ongoing discovery of new kinds of ailments,
6fWhich clever physicians discover under microscopes so that they can name their discoveries after themselves,
7gWhile other physicians discover them between the pages of magazines so that they can convince their patients to pay for more prescription drugs.
8Obviously, this is a medical practice that has succeeded spectacularly well over the years,
9Because today, the average person suffers from infirmities and syndromes that people in the hmiddle ages were too ignorant to suffer from,
10iLike Pre-Menstrual Syndrome,
11jAnd Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome,
12aAnd Bulimia,
13bAnd Male Menopause,
14cNot to mention Processed Sugar and so forth,
15dWhich is why names are so important,
16Because when something has a name of its own,
17eIt obviously exists,
18Which means that your patients can catch it,
19fAnd buy some drugs to treat it.
20The only problem with all this is that there are now so many thousands of different ailments to contract that physicians can start to believe that they have them too,
21Especially gincome-oriented physicians,
22No matter how silly that sounds,
23hBecause let’s face it, the average income-oriented physician tends to lose touch with medical science over time,
24Until he’s frequently guessing right along with his patients,
25And inclined to believe in diseases that were never meant for him.
26This can lead to the truly debilitating condition called iparanoius digesticus,
27In which the sufferer begins to think that he is in constant grave danger from a virtually endless array of medical abnormalities,
28Until life is nothing more than a series of dread-filled intervals between checkups,
29And the human body is nothing more than a chronic jdisease-making machine,
30kWaiting for the one final medical disaster that will strike randomly from out of nowhere,
31lAnd put an end to everything.
32That’s why it’s so very fortunate that mincome-oriented physicians can rely on the Way of Harry,
33Which teaches us not to think about anything at all,
34And simplifies everything enormously.
35For if you follow the Way of Harry,
36nMedicine is just a business,
37And diseases are just a product you sell to your customers,
38oWhether or not you’d ever buy or use the product yourself,
39Just like all good businessmen everywhere.
40And the more product you sell your customers,
41The more afraid they’ll be,
42And the more they’ll need you,
43And your expensive office time,
44And your expensive lab tests,
45And your expensive prescription drugs.
46See how beautifully it all works out!
47And if you ever feel the first creeping pangs of pparanoius digesticus invading your life,
48In spite of all your best efforts to think about nothing at all,
49There is always qHarry’s Consolation,
50Which we’ll be explaining more about,
51As we go.
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