THE GOOD WORD ACCORDING TO · THE ULTRA-HARRIER
IRA
Harry meets a Great DaneHarry claims to have 20-10 vision
Chapter 24
Another day, Harry was hanging out in Rittenhouse Square,
2Where all the pseudo-intellectuals used to walk their dogs,
3And it so happened that a man walking a Great Dane came up to Harry and said,
4“I would just like to know who appointed you the savior of the Most Chosen Nation on Earth?
5“For I have heard you speak on more than one occasion,
6h“And I have never heard you cite the lexicon of knowledge that has so informed you about contemporary values and mores, whether it be rooted in the books you have written or the degrees you have received,
7“Nor have I heard you explain by whose authority you make such simplistic remarks about the complex issues our society confronts today.”
8Then Harry laughed and replied to the man, saying, In short, if I may summarize your views, your question is, i“Who am I to say?”
9At this the man nodded, and so Harry continued, saying, jI am no one,
10kAnd I speak with no authority of any kind,
11lExcept that of a man who is richer than your wildest dreams at less than half your age,
12aAnd who has his own place in Malibu,
13And who, if he so chose, could buy the entire building in which you reside on bRittenhouse Square,
14And throw you and your cdog dHamlet out into the street.
15Thereupon did the man turn pale and exclaim to Harry, “How did you know that my dog is named Hamlet?”
16And then Harry waved his hand in dismissal of his feat, and said, You may as well ask how I knew what you were going to say before you said it,
17Or how I knew that in speaking to you, I was not only addressing one of the great epseudo-intellectuals of Rittenhouse Square,
18fBut one of the most ardent followers of my way.
19Now run along, good sir,
20And may your certainty remain with you all the days of your life.
21And when the man had gone, the follower commanding the camera crew turned to Harry in wonder and said, g“How did you know that the dog’s name was Hamlet? Truly this has been a marvel to behold.”
22But Harry just threw back his head and laughed, saying, I could claim that I have 20-10 vision into the souls of men,
23But I know that it would make you more comfortable if I said that I have 20-10 vision into the collars of dogs,
24Where if you seek with all your heart, you can usually find a nameplate.
25But when the film was developed, it was impossible to see if there was a nameplate on the collar or not, since it was ringed all the way around with fearsome spikes, and no tags hung at the dog’s throat.
26And so it happened that the follower again asked Harry about the collar,
27But this time Harry said shortly, That is history now,
28And you can make up history from the present as easily as I can.
29hFor is this not the principal gift of the education you paid so many dollars to obtain?
30Let us speak no more of it,
31And go have a drink instead.
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Chapter 24 / 46