THE FOURTH BOOK OF APES, CALLED
GODS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE FIRST BOOK OF LIES
The Gods get bored
Chapter 6
But then it happened, after seven years of plenty of everything, that things went wrong,
2dAs they often do,
3And there wasn’t any rain, and the crops were pitiful,
4And the game got scarce,
5eAnd one of the neighboring tribes invaded the valley and took away most of the virgins, as well as plenty of heads and other body parts.
6Whereupon the apes cried out angrily to the priests, saying,
7“Hey, we don’t understand this at all.
8f“What about all the food and weapons and body parts we’ve given to the Gods?
9“Have they forgotten about us already?
10“Honestly, we’re very discouraged with the whole thing.”
11gThe priests considered the words of the tribe very carefully,
12hFor about six weeks,
13Which was way too long,
14But at last the priests triumphantly announced that they had the answer,
15And the people crowded around to listen, saying,
16“This had better be good.”
17So the priests cried aloud, in a high, shaky voice, saying,
18i“The Gods have become bored with your offerings,
19j“Which are puny and insignificant, consisting of little more than food and weapons and body parts, and every once in a while, a virgin.
20k“The Gods need more than small change if they are to go on giving you rain and crops and so forth.”
21“Well, then, what do they want?” asked the ltribe, and beads of sweat stood out on their forehead.
22m“They want monuments and temples, made of stone, with plenty of writing on them, singing the praises of the Gods, as well as prayers and idols and that sort of thing.”
23“What is writing?” asked the tribe. “We have not heard of this before. Is it hard to get? Does it involve killing?”
24But the priests smiled broadly, and replied, “Writing is not hard at all. It does not involve killing, but you’ll like it anyway.”
25And then the tribe was well content, saying,
26“We’ll get right to it, then. But what is a temple?”
27nAnd the opriests smiled, saying, “Don’t worry. We’ll explain everything as we go.”
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Chapter 6 / 7