THE BOOK OF
GIANTS
Naked ladies start Renaissance
Chapter 2
Some of them thought it would be fun to stop painting pictures of jdead saints for a while,
2kAnd paint some pictures of naked ladies instead.
3They were right.
4In fact, painting pictures of naked ladies turned out to be so much fun that sculptors decided to make statues of naked ladies,
5lAnd poets wrote poems about naked ladies,
6And the naked ladies got so prosperous that they could eat as mmuch as they wanted,
7nAnd they did,
8Which is why the Renaissance was absolutely wall to wall with ofat naked ladies.
9The most prosperous, and therefore the pfattest, naked ladies worked for a Giant named Rubens,
10Who thought that a naked lady wasn’t worth painting at all if she didn’t weigh at least qthree hundred pounds.
11A Giant named rTitian thought that two hundred and fifty pounds was plenty as long as they had nice breasts,
12And a Giant named Botticelli thought that sheer poundage as important as a completely sbloated belly.
13tDifferences of opinion like this caused big arguments between the Giants,
14Which caused them to split up into different “artistic schools.”
15uFor example, one “school” believed in painting plenty of cellulite,
16While another “school” believed in painting skin so white that it looked sick,v
17wAnd still another “school” believed in covering up certain controversial parts of the body with flying patches of gauze.
18xBut all the schools were learning plenty about all the things you could do with ynaked ladies,
19Which is why art was one of the most popular things to do in the Renaissance.
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Chapter 2 / 16