THE
EXPLOITS
OF THE ULTRA-HARRIERS
Tony trades his Silver Ghost for a VolvoVinnie becomes a legend
Chapter 25
fTony figured that the best way to carry the Word of Harry to the colleges and universities was to trade his Silver Ghost in for a gVolvo,
2And buy a whole bunch of degrees with the money he got back,
3And then start an academic career,
4So that he could meet them on their own terms,
5Or something like that.
6But when he started introducing the Word of Harry at faculty cocktail parties and so forth,
7It turned out that they weren’t interested in the Word of Harry at all,
8hBecause Harry didn’t have any degrees in philosophy or psychology or physics or literature or history or art or natural science or anything,
9And so how could he possibly matter?
10When Tony tried to explain that Harry wasn’t challenging what anybody had figured out in those fields,
11iBut was only kind of pulling it all together so that everyone could see what it meant,
12jjThey laughed at him and ridiculed him,
13kBecause it just wasn’t possible for anyone to get doctoral degrees in philosophy and psychology and physics and literature and history and art and natural science and all the other fields you’d need a doctoral degree in,
14lAnd so it clearly wasn’t possible to pull all those disciplines together into one big picture of what it all meant,
15mAnd what was he trying to pull anyway?
16Thereupon, Tony changed his tune,
17And started talking about how hard it was to get tenure,
18And how hard it was to pay off all his student loans,
19And how hard it was to find academic topics to write articles and books about, because the department chairman was such a selfish, unscrupulous, apyrotechnical anus,
20And how Tony would probably sell his soul for a little bConsolation now and then,
21At which point everyone agreed with him heartily,
22And pretty soon, Tony was ordering carloads of cspoons and Consolation for all his great new friends in the academic world.
✦ · · ✦ · · ✦
Chapter 25 / 53