The Boomer BibleA Testament for Our Times · by R. F. Laird
THE ORDER FOR

Daily Evening Brayer

The Chosen One shall begin the Evening Brayer by reading one or more of the
following Sentences.
All of them will have a long day’s journey into night, from the age of innocence to the end of the affair. Pspeciastes 1.5
Something, something, something something against the something light; Do not go gentle into that good night. Psomethings 47.4-7
And he will give his followers important rituals to use again and again, as well as many great words to live by. Jeffrey 24.11-12
That’s why it’s time for us to get started, And why I have called you together this evening. Exploits 15.1-2
Let us go then, you and I, where the stars are something something in the sky, something etherized upon a table. Psomethings 23.1-3
Sing, little bird, sing the night away; sing your cares away: the Master of Money will reward you for every note. Psongs 49.3
Advent
And just supposing (said the bedbug) that the day comes when the conflict between the capitalists and your ideas reaches the point of threatening the world with annihilation, that will be okay too, because someone will come, on that day, or right around then anyway, who will tell the world what it all means, and what they can do about it. Carl 11.1-7
Harriday
And then, even as David watched, a pillar of light stood up from the earth, outshining the lion’s eyes, wearing a crown of orange and fire, like unto a giant mushroom, whereupon the lion was devoured by flame, and David returned to the place of brotherly love, in which his son had been born on a night of light and the lion. Willie 2.4-5
Pretzel Friday
When it became clear that there was no alternative, the followers accompanied Harry to the city of his birth, where they received a spectacular welcome, consisting of all the beer and pretzels they could consume. Willie 65.1-4
Philadelphia
After their stupendous welcome in Philadelphia, Harry and his followers decided to hang out there for a while, and pass the time with their new friends, which they did, and so they had many adventures, and went to many many parties, and washed the hands of hundreds of Philadelphians, and consumed lots and lots and lots of mind-altering substances, until they kind of lost track of the time. Vinnie 46.1-9
White Friday
Then Harry spoke again, saying, One of you will identify me to the authorities this night, but that’s okay, because I can take the heat. Ned 43.20-22
Escapetide
And it turned out that what Harry said was right after all, because he escaped from prison, in just three days. Vinnie 75.1-3
Rioday
A waiter ran in, in a great hurry, saying, Long Distance call for all of you, from Rio de Janeiro. Willie 77.6-8
Ghostide
One week later we gathered again, in the same place, at the same time, and waited for Harry to come through, which he did, about the sixth hour. Exploits 6.3-8
Trinity Friday
The eleven went out into the wide world, in their Silver Ghosts, armed with Harry’s Trinity. Exploits 18.2-4
Then the Chosen One shall say,
Duly befriended brethren and sistren, the Word of the Harriers moves us, in sundry places, to acknowledge that we have pursued our desires on this day, with the full certainty that in so doing, we have been acting in accordance with the Way of Harry; and that we have done what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it, no matter who got hurt, as Harry taught us to do, in his own words. Therefore, there is nothing that we need to apologize for, or feel guilty about, or think about at all, now that this day has reached its end; nevertheless, we do also acknowledge that those whom we have offended in the course of pursuing our desires, are seeking to blame us and afflict us with a sense of guilt for our actions, according to their own purposes; for this reason, we now feel an urge to declare our utter certainty that nothing which we have done on this day is our fault; and to make it clear that others are to blame for the woes we have experienced on this day, in these words—
Or he shall say,
Let us now blame those with whom we have had dealings on this day.
A General Assignment of Blame
High and Mighty Harry; We have followed your Way on this day, in blind obedience to the devices and desires of our own hearts. We have, from time to time, broken sundry laws. We have left undone those things which others say we ought to have done; And we have done those things which others say we ought not to have done. But that is the way we are, O Chief, and we know that none of these omissions and commissions can possibly be our fault, or our responsibility to correct or atone for, since we did not ask to be born, and we did not make the world, and we did not choose our parents or any other of the conditions into which we were born. Moreover, it is our absolute conviction that others have gone out of their way to make unreasonable demands on us, and to single us out for unfair persecution, because they are jealous, or prejudiced against us, or unnaturally obsessed with their own selfish desires. Do they not know that the world owes us a living, simply because we are here, whether we do any work or not? Against these vile animals who have disregarded our rights, we seek vengeance, O Harry. We demand to be compensated for every slight, every cross word, every instance in which our personal desires, stated and unstated, have been ignored or left unsatisfied, in any way, today or ever, according to the authority given us by your Name, Harry, First Babe of the Boom. So there.
The Permission to Seek Vengeance.
To be made by the Chosen One alone, standing; the People milling about as they desire.
All knowing Harry, the First Born After the Bomb and First Babe of the Boom, who desires his followers to not think about anything at all, no matter who gets hurt, has given authority, and precise wording, to his Chosen Ones to declare and pronounce to all Harriers, being certain of their targets of blame, an Unqualified Permission to Seek Vengeance against those they blame for any reason whatsoever.
Further, he reaffirms the Freedom of all Harriers to do whatever they want to their enemies, whenever they want to do it, and exhorts them to do so, as long as they can get away with it, and promise to forget about it afterwards.
Wherefore let us remind ourselves, as he has taught us, that Harry showed us the Way to be, and remains the most shining example of the rewards to be gained from his wisdom.
Then the Chosen One shall kneel, and say the Harriers’ Brayer; the People paying attention if they so desire, and even repeating it with him, if they are awake enough to do so.
Our friend, who art in Rio, Harry is your name. Your time has come. Your way is fun, up north, as it is in Rio. We live for today and are rarely blamed. We forget our trespasses, as we forget those we have trespassed against. We yield to temptation, but are not evil. For thine is the wisdom, and the power, and the gold, for as long as it lasts. So there.
Then likewise he shall say,
O Chief, read our lips.
Answer. And you shall see us mouthing your own words of praise.
GOLD be to Harry in Rio, and up north bliss, our full fill of it, for as long as it lasts;
Answer. As it was at the beginning of Harry’s Way, is now, and ever shall be, until the end of the world to come. So there.
Chosen One. Praise be to the Chief.
Answer. The Chief’s Name be praised.
Then shall follow a portion of the Psongs, according to the use of this Parish. And at the end of the whole portion, or Selection from the Hymnal, shall be sung or said the following:
GOLD be to Harry in Rio, and up north bliss, our full fill of it, for as long as it lasts;
Answer. As it was at the beginning of Harry’s Way, is now, and ever shall be, until the end of the world to come. So there.
Then shall be read the First Lesson, according to the Table of Harrier Days.
After which shall be sung or said the Hymn called the Omni Viri.
But NOTE, That the Chosen One, at his discretion, may omit one of the Lessons in Evening Brayer, the Lesson being followed by one of the Evening Comicles.
Omni Viri. Willie 78.1-9
Indeed, all men must now learn from Harry; * for he has shown us the only Way to be.
He has washed his hands of everything, * and he can afford to wear gloves from now on.
He has followed his own desires; * and he has proven with the strength of his Way that his desires must be satisfied, or else.
He has said what he felt like saying, whenever he felt like it; * and no one ever succeeded in making him change his tune.
He has gotten away with everything, including a huge fortune; * and he has proved that nothing else counts.
For Harry has shown everyone the rules of the game, * including the rule that it’s the winner who gets to make up the rules for everybody else.
Long live Harry, King of the Boomers! * Hallelujah, Hosanna, Hooray!
Or this Psong.
Domino Indollario. Psong 43.1-7
Who is more blessed than the Master of Money? * He reaches out, and whatever he touches is his.
He is the King of the Mountain, * and his feet are planted on the summit of other men’s most golden dreams.
He speaks, and all men listen: * for if he does not know what he is talking about, then why does he have all that Money?
He commands, and all men leap to obey; * for if he has his way, then he may give a generous tip to those who have been the most obsequious.
He scolds, and all men are very very sorry; * for if he is angry, there may be no Christmas bonus.
He smiles, and all men smile in return; * for if he is pleased, there is nothing to worry about today.
But for the Master of Money, all days are the same; * there is nothing to worry about, and no one to fear.
Or this.
Dominus honestus. Psong 44.1-5
Only the Master of Money can be truly honest: * for he is the only one who can know to a certainty that he would not change his ways for a big enough check.
He does not need to make up stories about how much he disdains Money; * he does not have to develop a convenient memory about the surprising things he will do for some tiny pittance.
He does not have to mount ridiculous charades to impress his successful friends; * he does not have to tell everyone that his limousine is being repaired and that his good clothes were stolen with his luggage.
He does not have to pretend that he likes living in rundown neighborhoods; * he does not have to explain that his wife regards giant diamonds as ostentatious.
Yes, the Master of Money can be who he is; * he alone is free to admit that great wealth is the best of all goals to attain.
Then a Lesson of the Present Testament, as it is appointed in the Table of Harrier Days.
And after that shall be sung or said the hymn called Nunc quittis.
Nunc quittis. Ira 21.40-43
Have you had enough fun for one night? * I’m tired now.
And I think I’d like to go back to my room, * And try to get some sleep.
Or this Psong.
Appreciatus Domini. Psong 48.1-6
Who appreciates a sunset more than the Master of Money? * He stands at eventide with all the luster and immovable majesty of the North Star.
The very universe wheels around his own whims; * all day long, the machinery of lesser lights has accommodated itself to his movements.
If some cog has failed to do its work properly, * then the Master of Money has caused it to be thrown away.
If some offering to his highness has failed to give pleasure, then the Master of Money has caused it to suffer, a lot, * which is a pleasure of its own, without equal in any universe.
If some aspect of the day ended has been less than perfect, then the Master of Money will buy a better tomorrow; * for he is the center of his universe, and the sun will bring him a new playground without being asked.
And even before tomorrow comes, there will be tonight; * and there is no end of the things that the Master of Money can do tonight.
Then shall be said the Ultra-Harriers’ Creed by the Chosen One and the People, standing.
Iacknowledge Harry as the One: Who was the First Born After the Bomb, and the First Babe of the Boom: Who was betrayed by his pilot, was arrested, indicted, convicted, and sentenced to life in prison: He went down to Maximum Security; The third day he came out of prison: He flew to Rio, and settled in El Dorado: And there he shall live in luxury till the end of the world to come.
I acknowledge the gift of the Silver Ghosts: The Pontifical Harrier Parish; The Rites of Harry’s Consolation: The Exemption from Responsibility: The Trinity of Harry: And the Way of the One, for as long as it lasts. So there.
Or the creed commonly called the Harriers’ Creed.
Idon’t think about the Big Bang, or the law of Evolution, which resulted in all things, completely at random:
Or about Harry, the first born after the Bomb, who evolved into being near the end of the world, the Chosen One of a Chosen Nation, the Beacon of Beacons, the Most Chosen of the Most Chosen; Forgotten by most, though his substance remains, and still shapes all things: Who for our well-being came down from his Learjet, and rode among us in a Silver Cloud, and showed us the Way; And was sent to prison for life because of his pilot; He was wrapped in chains and buried in a cell block: And the third day, he escaped, according to the Present Testament: And flew to Rio, and basked in the sun of El Dorado: And he shall not come back this way again, before everything is nuked and dead, which will settle everything until time itself comes to an end.
And I don’t think about the Way of Harry, the Word about the Tree of Man, Which proceeds from the Big Bang and the Bomb; Which together with the Big Bang and the Bomb accounts for everything; Which explains the VIPs: And I don’t think about Good and Evil anymore; I don’t worry about Guilt and Sin: And I don’t care what happens after I’m dead: Or about the end of the world to come. So there.
And after that, these Brayers following, the People more or less paying attention; the Chosen One first pronouncing,
The Harrier Spirit be with you.
Answer. You too, I guess.
Chosen One. Let us bray.
Here. if it has not already been said. shall follow the Harriers’ Brayer.
Chosen One. O Chief, our hearts are full of blame after this endless day.
Answer. Yes, and we desire vengeance against our enemies.
Chosen One. O Harry, wish us luck in getting even.
Answer. Yes, and don’t forget the part about getting away with it.
Chosen One. O Harry, root for us to get away with everything.
Answer. Yes, and then we promise to forget all about it, just like you taught us.
Then shall follow the Platitude for the day, except when the Consolation Service is read; and then the Platitude for the Day shall be omitted here.
A Platitude for Vengeance.
OHarry, you have always gotten even with anyone who tried to flout your desires; so you must know how we feel. We want to make them pay for what they have done, and it wouldn’t hurt if our vengeance made them feel ten times worse than we do now. Wish us well in our endeavors, which we will carry out in accordance with your Way. So there.
A Platitude for Safety.
OHarry, you know almost everything there is to know about getting away with everything. If you have the time tonight, take a moment to visualize your faithful followers getting away with everything. Okay? We’d be very grateful for anything you could do. Honestly, O Great Harry. So there.
The following Brayer shall be omitted when the Litany is said, and may be omitted when the Consolation Service is to follow.
And NOTE, That the Chosen One may here end the Evening Brayer with such general brayers taken out of this book as he shall deem fit, or with the Brace.
A Brayer for the Most Chosen Nation on Earth
OHarry, please reassure us that, as you have said so many times before, this Most Chosen Nation on Earth will indeed take a long long time to fall apart, even though there be Harriers in all positions of authority, including government officials, and chief executive officers of corporations, and bank presidents, and network anchormen, and movie moguls, and doctors, and all manner of other influential persons. We do reaffirm our promise to not think about anything at all, including these things, but we thought we would mention it this evening, after another long hard day out there, and leave it all to you, as always. So there.
Then shall the Chosen One give the following Brace.
Now go back to your homes and other places of pleasure, and may the Power of Harry’s Mighty Trinity be with you, and help you overcome the Setbacks experienced on this day. So there.
Here ends the Order of Evening Brayer.
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