THE BOOK OF THE VIP
ED
The charming qualities of Augie Bumper
Chapter 67
In fact, ‘I Love Nobody’ will be a landmark achievement in the history of TV,
2And maybe the culmination of everything you’ve started with your own little failed attempt at comedy,
3Because the loud and obnoxious character called bAugie Bumper will keep the entire nation in stitches for years,
4With all his charming real-life qualities,
5cLike all his racial slurs about blacks and Hispanics,
6dAnd his demeaning remarks about women,
7eAnd his ethnic slurs about Poles and Italians,
8fAnd his selfish response to every crisis,
9gAnd his cute little beer belly,
10And his hilarious habit of abusing every member of his family, including his hippie son-in-law and his daughter Gloria, not to mention his crazy wife Edna,
11hWho Augie won’t even kiss at the end of each show,
12Which means that ‘I Love Nobody’ will finally bring the comedy of real life to the small screen,
13With no Miracles of any kind,
14Not even the oldest TV Miracle of all,
15Namely, a house where nobody ever flushes the toilet.
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Chapter 67 / 78