THE BOOK OF THE VIP
ED
Captain Quark and the starship Underprise
Chapter 60
All of this infallible assistance will be very very reassuring to the population of the Most Chosen Nation on Earth,
2Until they start asking some really hard questions about the future,
3Such as “What if I happened to get sick on a starship under hostile enemy fire?
4“What would I do then?”
5Well, fortunately, the TV audience will even find an answer for this dilemma on their TV screens one day,
6Because in the far distant future there will be a great comedy show called ‘I Love Boldly Going on Star Dates,’
7cWhich will be all about an infallible Starship Captain called James T. Quark,
8Played by dWilliam Shouter,
9Who commands an indestructible starship called the Underprise,
10Played by a eplastic model,
11Not to mention the completely infallible crew of the Underprise,
12Including fMr. Sprocket, the infallible science officer with the pointy ears and no emotions,
13gDr. McCry, the infallible ship’s doctor with the pointy head and more emotions than you can shake a pointy stick at,
14And a whole bunch of infallible hjunior officers from all over planet Earth,
15iWhich turns out to be the Most Chosen Planet in the Universe,
16Because it’s a Type “M” planet,
17jWhich you will find an explanation of under “M” in the yellow pages,
18If you have any doubts about it,
19Which you shouldn’t,
20Because Captain Quark and the crew of the Underprise will keep boldly going on dates with the most kbeautiful women in the universe until they’re all as happy and free and democratic and equal as we are on the Most Chosen Planet,
21lWhich you will be glad to hear escaped from the nuclear age without ceasing to be Chosen,
22mOr even ceasing to be a Planet,
23Which will be the funniest part of the whole show,
24Unless you really do believe in Miracles.
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Chapter 60 / 78