THE BOOK OF THE VIP
ED
Perry Mastodon always wins
Chapter 54
Indeed, one of the greatest of all comedy shows will be called ‘I Love Perry Mastodon,’
2And it’s not hard to see why someone would love gPerry Mastodon,
3hBecause he will absolutely always get his client off,
4And not just with some namby-pamby “not guilty” verdict,
5But with a confession, under oath, by the real murderer,
6Who will always break down in tears when Perry rolls his wheelchair up to the witness box,
7And starts boring in with his great questions,
8Which is actually only playing for time,
9Until iPall sneaks in in his loud sport coat,
10And hands the surprising last-minute evidence to jDulla,
11Who whispers it to Perry,
12Which is when the real murderer starts to look crazed,
13And makes a dash for the door,
14Except that the bailiff drags him back,
15And then he spills it all,
16So that the only remaining mystery is why the victim got killed by somebody who hardly knew him at all,
17Which always stumps kLieutenant Drag, of course,
18Not to mention lMilton Hamburger, the D.A.,
19But not Perry,
20Because he’s the kind of lawyer you can only find in the Most Chosen Nation,
21If you look in the phone book,
22Under “M,” of course,
23For “Miracles.”
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Chapter 54 / 78