THE BOOK OF THE VIP
DAVE
Hollywood looks beyond nuclear holocaustRosebud gets raped by the devil
Chapter 47
And as it happens, Hollywood will even dare to look beyond qnuclear nightmares,
2Into the nightmare world that people might have to live in after the holocaust,
3Which would obviously kill everyone who wasn’t almost immortal,
4Thus explaining why most of these movies will star rCharlton Heston,
5Who will show us various impossible futures,
6Like in a movie called s‘Planet of the Killer Apes,’
7tWhere the evil apes who survived the war walk upright and talk and wear clothes and everything,
8Or maybe—though this is very very hard to make out—what Charlton finds in the future is a world so overpopulated that even uEdward G. Robinson can’t push his way through the crowds,
9And so he stays at home while Charlton goes out and pushes everybody around for him,
10Trying to find one decent meal that isn’t made of…
11No, that can’t be right…
12Except that there isn’t any food but…
13No, that just couldn’t possibly be it…
14Until… and I can’t be sure of this either, because it’s so far out in the distant future of Hollywood…
15Until Charlton is the very last man alive on earth,
16Unless it’s really Vincent Price instead,
17aBecause everybody else is a murderous bloodsucking mutant bvampire,
18Thanks to the radiation and all,
19Which is why it positively must be Vincent Price,
20Because the last man alive on earth dies at the end,
21Which couldn’t happen if it were Charlton Heston, could it?
22Could it?
23cBang!
24Uh oh.
25dUgh!
✦ · · ✦ · · ✦
Chapter 47 / 58