THE BOOK OF THE VIP
DAVE
Orson Welles finishes a movie
Chapter 42
And there will be another great Hollywood genius named hOrson Welles,
2iWho will be so great that he won’t even bother to finish a lot of his movies,
3Although he will finish one of them,
4Which will turn out to be quite enough anyway.
5This one incredibly great movie will be called ‘Citizen K___,’
6And will be all about a giant newspaper tycoon,
7Played by jOrson Welles,
8kWho will be indicted for some terrible crime,
9lWhich nobody knows what it is,
10mFor some reason,
11nExcept that he’ll die for his crime right at the beginning of the movie,
12oVery mysteriously,
13pWhich explains why he has to be investigated,
14By a huge fat corrupt cop,
15Played by qOrson Welles,
16Who goes out and looks into the life of Citizen K___,
17With great thoroughness,
18From every conceivable camera angle,
19And under every kind of bizarre lighting you could possibly imagine,
20rSo that sometimes he even has to do his investigating through a bunch of swooden slats that throw off all kinds of amazing shadows,
21Which maybe explains why he gets so confused in the scene with Citizen K___’s defense attorney,
22Played by tOrson Welles,
23Who says that it all has to do with something called u“Rosebud,”
24Which convinces the cop to talk to everybody who might know how Citizen K___ got involved with “Rosebud” in the first place,
25vAlthough absolutely nobody he talks to knows anything at all about “Rosebud,”
26Not even aJoseph Cotten in a baseball cap,
27Or bAgnes Moorehead,
28Which leads him to Citizen K___’s home,
29Called cSan Juanadu, or dXanadu for short, which in English means eSan Simian,
30Which is an enormous hilltop castle fWilliam Randolph Hearst built to keep his toys in,
31gAlthough it turns out that the castle wasn’t a completely happy place for Citizen K___,
32hAnd actually got to be more like a prison than anything else,
33iUnless it was more like a trap that he couldn’t get out of,
34jWhat with not having a sled anymore,
35kNot to mention how there’s never any snow in southern California anyway,
36So what can you do?
37Which is where l“Rosebud” comes in,
38And explains everything,
39Somehow.
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Chapter 42 / 58