THE BOOK OF THE VIP
DAVE
Bogart makes silly toasts in Paris
Chapter 32
There will also be a war movie called ‘The Big Casablanca,’
2Which will be great,
3Because it will show everybody how romantic it is to be an American expatriate named Marlowe,
4As played by bHumphrey Bogart,
5Who has to beat the Nazis by getting the cMaltese falcon away from dSydney Greenstreet,
6While wearing a trench coat instead of a uniform,
7Which isn’t easy,
8Especially when you’re being distracted by eIngrid Bergman,
9fWho is so vulnerable and desirable that she can make you propose silly gtoasts in Paris,
10And even make you look like you could cry at the hrailroad station,
11Except that Humphrey Bogart never cries,
12Ever,
13iJust like all American men,
14And will get over it eventually,
15jEven if it takes a few drinks to do it,
16And even if kSam has to play lit again every once in a while,
17Until some mfemale Frog sings the Marseillaise and reminds everyone that nnothing amounts to a hill of beans in this world except beating the Krauts,
18Because if you don’t do the right thing,
19oYou might not regret it today or tomorrow,
20pBut you’ll regret it soon and for the rest of your life,
21qWhich is why Ingrid will have to get on the plane for Lisbon,
22rAnd why Humphrey will join the resistance with his suave French pal,
23As played by sClaude Rains,
24Thus proving why the Krauts won’t have a tprayer of winning the war,
25uEspecially with John Wayne handling all the rough stuff in both theaters,
26vAnd Humphrey handling all the tricky undercover stuff in his trenchcoat.
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Chapter 32 / 58