THE BOOK OF THE VIP
DAVE
Some of the greatest movies ever made
Chapter 21
And there will even be some great movies about the Frogs,
2Which will show everyone just how glorious war can be,
3Especially a movie called ‘War and Something,’
4Which will be all about Napoleon Bonaparte,
5And some of the Russians who fought against him,
6Such as Natasha,
7Who will be played by aAudrey Hepburn,
8Even though the one Napoleon really loves is bJean Simmons,
9cWho thinks Napoleon looks just like Marlon Brando,
10dUnless it’s really Rod Steiger he looks like,
11But in any case, Josephine thinks he’s great,
12Unless her name is really Desirée,
13Which it couldn’t be,
14Because Napoleon loves Josephine,
15eWhich everyone knows from history,
16Right up to the day he lost everything at fWaterloo,
17gAnd had to be exiled to somewhere or other,
18hWhich happened after the big scene with all the bare feet in the bloody snow outside Moscow,
19iNot to mention the sunken road,
20Which Marlon would have seen if he hadn’t been thinking about jJean so much,
21And would have done something about,
22Instead of sit down on a klog and do nothing,
23lWhich is the worst thing a soldier can do,
24Even if he’s desperately in love,
25Because there was a Brit admiral named mLord Nelson,
26Played by nLaurence Olivier,
27Who wasn’t doing nothing,
28Even though he loved oLady Hamilton in the worst way,
29What with her being pVivien Leigh and all,
30But that didn’t stop qLaurence from being the star of Trafalgar,
31And dying victoriously in the arms of his assistant right there on the poop deck,
32rThus explaining why Napoleon lost out in the end,
33Including sJean,
34And the whole Frog empire too,
35Which shows why t‘War and Something’ will be one of the greatest movies ever made,
36Although it won’t be the greatest movie ever made,
37Because that’s another movie altogether,
38Called u‘How the War Was Won’.
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Chapter 21 / 58