THE BOOK OF THE VIP
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Stanley K___ shows how things got startedKirk Douglas gets crucified
Chapter 18
And in case people still don’t understand what kind of an animal Mankind is,
2There will also be movies that show everyone what it’s like to be a ubarbarian,
3vLike in a movie called ‘Black Shield of the Vikings,’
4Which will be all about a handsome young barbarian hero,
5Played by wTony Curtis,
6Who will be brought up on the steppes or somewhere like that,
7xRiding a lot of horses and such,
8And then falling in love with yJean Simmons,
9Which upsets Tony’s dad no end,
10What with her not being a barbarian and all,
11But Polish,
12Which is different,
13zFor some reason.
14Anyway, the result is that Tony gets kicked out of the family,
15And goes away,
16Until he gets kidnapped by a aViking called Spartacus,
17Played by bKirk Douglas,
18Who is planning to sack cRome with a bunch of rebellious slaves,
19Because he loves Jean Simmons so much,
20Which explains why he gets so mad when he finds out that Tony Curtis loves her too,
21Not to mention tying Tony up with a bunch of dcrabs crawling all over him,
22While Kirk goes and gets crucified the eAppian Way,
23fFor some reason,
24Which makes Jean Simmons cry,
25Thus proving who she really loved all along,
26Even though Tony finally gets away from the crabs and goes to help the Poles fight against his own people,
27Because he loves Jean so much,
28Which doesn’t cut any ice with his dad at all,
29gAnd explains why Yul Brynner shoots Tony through the heart,
30So that he doesn’t get the girl in the end,
31Or even a topknot.
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Chapter 18 / 58