THE BOOK OF
CHRISTIANS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE SECOND BOOK OF BARBARIANS
Fixing the government problemThe luck of the serfs
Chapter 2
The first thing the Christians did was fix all the problems apes had been having with government.
2For example, the Christians knew that hdemocracy didn’t work,
3iBecause look at what happened to the Greeks and Romans,
4Who were heathens anyhow,
5Heathens being japes who don’t understand that all apes are basically evil,
6kAnd therefore don’t feel enough guilt and pain and suffering,
7lAnd thus don’t qualify for the eternal bliss that will be enjoyed by Christians in the kingdom of heaven,
8mAs long as they don’t have any fun to speak of on earth.
9Anyway,
10nThe Christians understood that the only kind of government worth having is the kind of government where God is basically in charge,
11Which would never happen in a odemocracy, where the apes are basically in charge,
12And so they invented a new concept called the “divine right of kings,”
13Which means that apes should be ruled by Christian kings,
14Or holy emperors,
15Who would reign throughout their own lifetimes,
16Until they died,p
17When they would be immediately succeeded by their firstborn sons,
18Who would reign throughout their lifetimes,
19Until they died,q
20When they, in turn, would be immediately succeeded by their firstborn rsons,
21And so forth.
22This was completely different from the old heathen Roman imperial way,
23Which consisted of apes being ruled by heathen emperors,
24Who would reign throughout their own lifetimes,
25Until they died,a
26bWhen they would be immediately succeeded by another heathen emperor whom they had personally selected for the job,
27And so forth.
28Naturally, an important new concept like the divine right of kings spread rapidly,
29Until there were quite a lot of kingdoms ruled by divine right,
30Including the cHoly Roman Empire,
31Which was in dFrance,
32And much much better than the old unholy Roman Empire,
33eFor some reason.
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Chapter 2 / 10