THE BOOK OF BLOODY
BRITS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN
Why “bloody” is a dirty word
Chapter 5
Gradually, the Normans got used to misery,
2Due to a recurring Brit phenomenon called “assimilation,”
3Which has to do with the fact that gangs of marauding killers usually have more in common with each other than with the folks who jsuggested they leave home in the first place.
4Anyway, the Normans finally became assimilated Brits themselves,
5Given to wearing fancy uniforms made of kchain mail,
6And covered with outlandish designs known as lHeraldry,
7Which are a peculiar system invented by the Brits for the purpose of telling lies about their mmongrel family ntrees on articles of personal apparel.
8When their uniforms had gotten so fancy that the Brits couldn’t stand another day without showing them off to perfect strangers, othey began starting wars with other nations.
9For example, they got the idea that the pSaracens would be impressed by a grand British entrance into the qHoly Land,
10rWhich they were,
11Until the uniforms got covered with blood and dirt in all the desert fighting,
12sWhereupon the Saracens stopped being impressed by the Brits and sent them back home,
13Which convinced the Brits that winning wars depended on having clean uniforms,
14And that “bloody” was a dirty word,
15Which proved to be a turning point in Brit history,
16tBecause it was just about the last time they ever lost a war.
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Chapter 5 / 59