THE BOOK OF BLOODY
BRITS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN
The romantics try to invent emotionKipling explains everything
Chapter 42
Then came the Victorians,
2Who were passionate,
3Though not quite as passionate as the romantics,
4Because you don’t have a lot of time for emotional fireworks if you’re responsible for ruling the world,
5Unless you’re aCharles Dickens,
6And almost as great as Shakespeare,
7Which lets you wear your bheart on your sleeve,
8And write csentimental stories that go on,
9And on,
10And on,
11For many many pages.
12Anyway, dBrowning was a Victorian poet who thought that poetry should consist of clever remarks,
13And eOscar Wilde was a Victorian dramatist and poet who thought that flife should consist of clever remarks,
14And unlike Browning,
15Actually put some clever remarks into his gwork .
16There was also an extremely peculiar Victorian named hLewis Carroll, who thought that literature should consist of iclever nonsense,
17jWhich he proceeded to do so cleverly that to this day kno one has the slightest idea what he was ltalking about.
18Another clever Victorian was mRudyard Kipling,
19Who thought it was a good idea to write clever poems and stories about ruling the world the hard way.
20It was also Kipling who finally discovered the reason why Brits do everything the hard way,
21nWhich is called the White Man’s Burden,
22And explains everything,
23If you’re a Brit.
24There was also a Victorian named oArthur Conan Doyle,
25Who thought it was a good idea to have clever characters,
26Which is how he came to invent pSherlock Holmes,
27Who was fascinated by duplicity, treachery, and murder,
28qDespised women,
29Detested emotion,
30But dressed properly,
31And therefore became more popular than Shakespeare.
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Chapter 42 / 59