THE BOOK OF BLOODY
BRITS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN
Caesar makes a mistake
Chapter 3
Subsequent Romans began to suspect that there was something wrong with the inhabitants of Great Britain,
2Who kept rebelling,
3Because it would have been too easy to just let the Romans build their roads and aqueducts and other gengineering projects in peace,
4And so every few years, a hRoman legion or two would have to sail up to Britain and kill a bunch of Brits.
5On some of these expeditions, the Romans discovered that the Brits had some even more unpleasant neighbors, called the Scots, who wore skirts,
6And made their whole culture out of sheep intestines,
7iWhich they used as food,
8jAnd musical instruments,
9And other things too.
10Obviously, any people this stupid found it hard to understand that a handful of barbarian tribesmen shouldn’t mess with a Roman legion.
11Accordingly, a Roman general named Hadrian built a wall to keep the ksmell of sheep intestines out of Britain,
12Not to mention the Scots themselves.
13lUnfortunately, it never occurred to the Romans that it might be an even better idea to build a wall around all of Great Britain to keep the Brits out of the rest of the world.
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Chapter 3 / 59