THE BOOK OF BLOODY
BRITS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN
Unfortunate encounters in AmericaThe Brit sense of humor
Chapter 26
But fortunately for the Brits, there were other parts of the world,
2Places where there were vast numbers of brave natives willing to outnumber the Brits in defense of their homelands,
3Which enabled the Brits to fight in the proper way,
4Against great odds,
5Wearing very nice uniforms,
6Except for the ones that included short pants,
7qWhich turned out to be okay anyway because the Brits have never understood that short pants are not nice, but silly.
8And so, as the rdim-witted Georges gave way to dim-witted monarchs with other names,
9Brit power and influence expanded enormously,
10sUntil there were huge Brit colonies in Africa,
11tAnd India,
12uAnd Asia,
13vAnd Indochina,
14wAnd Australia,
15xAnd Canada,
16yAnd Ireland,
17zAnd Wales,
18aaAnd Scotland,
19bbAnd wherever else there were non-white or non-Brit peoples who needed to be taught how to do everything the hard way,
20Including honor and tradition and fair play and so forth,
21aEven if they all had to be slaughtered to the last man, woman, and child in order to learn it properly,
22bSo that eventually there came a day when the sun never set on the British Empire,
23And no matter where you went in the world,
24cYou could hear people talking at great length about their views on Brit honor and tradition,
25And fair play,
26Not to mention Brit uniforms.
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Chapter 26 / 59