THE BOOK OF BLOODY
BRITS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN
Wellington confuses NapoleonUnfortunate encounters in America
Chapter 24
There was one little episode, however, from which the Brits did not emerge completely victorious,
2Which is not to say that they lost,
3tBecause the Brits never lose a war,
4uEven when it sort of looks that way.
5What happened was that the Brits had worked hard to colonize part of America,
6Which they did the hard way, of course,
7vStarting later than everyone else,
8wAnd then doing it by sending boatfuls of unpleasant religious outcasts into Indian-infested tracts of wilderness, without funds or provisions, to build rich and valuable new world colonies.
9xThis brilliant strategy ultimately provided the Brits with the richest, most valuable colonies in the world,
10yWhich they quite properly tried to exploit through taxation,
11zResulting in a lot of grousing by the colonists,
12aaWho wanted to be independent,
13bbMeaning tax-free,
14ccAnd then declared that they were independent,
15ddWith a nation of their own,
16And topped it off by saying a lot of impolite things about the king.
17eeObviously, the Brits had to suppress the rebellion,
18ffBut since the Americans were fighting against great odds, with fewer troops and weapons and provisions than the Brits had,
19aThe Brits were unnerved,
20Never having been in this situation before.
21So, not wanting to do things the easy way,
22They hired a bunch of bGerman mercenaries to suppress the rebellion for them,
23cWhich didn’t work out exactly right,
24dAnd led to the establishment of the United States of America as a free and independent nation,
25Which still doesn’t mean that the Brits lost a war,
26Since it was obviously a revolution,
27eAnd revolutions don’t count.
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Chapter 24 / 59