THE BOOK OF BLOODY
BRITS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN
Brit duty, honor, and traditionNice uniforms make everything okay
Chapter 20
The other class of Brits, which is to say the commoners, did not receive a gentleman’s education,
2And therefore did not attend Eton and Oxford,
3Or even Harrow and Cambridge,
4And didn’t have to have honor,
5hSince they usually got to meet their fathers,
6Unless they were bastards,
7Which aren’t expected to have honor anyway.
8But being Brits, even the commoners were bound by duty and tradition,
9iWhich meant that they always had to do what their superiors told them to,
10Without thinking about it,
11jAnd also had to do what their fathers already did,
12And their fathers,
13And their fathers too,
14And so on,
15Without thinking about it,
16Without any exceptions,
17But one.
18The exception was that a commoner could always choose a career in the Brit navy,
19Even if his father had never had a career in the Brit navy,
20Which he could do by hanging out in the right tavern,
21kMeaning the kind of tavern that might be visited by impressment gangs,
22Who recruited commoners into the navy for twelve years or so,
23aBy means of blackjacks and chains,
24Which explains why the Brit navy got so big and powerful,
25bAnd stayed that way through thick and thin,
26Even though Britain was actually a pretty small country.
✦ · · ✦ · · ✦
Chapter 20 / 59