THE BOOK OF BLOODY
BRITS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN
Cromwell proves embarrassingThe great Brit class system
Chapter 17
The tree Charles had been hiding in was in qFrance,
2Which exposed him to the rFrench system of government,
3sCalled the divine right of Louis’s,
4And involved lots of very expensive tparties.
5After the Restoration, uCharles introduced the concept of parties to the Brit nobles,
6vWho were willing to try anything once,
7Provided that they could wear nice clothes while doing so,
8wAnd emptied the Brit treasury in no time flat,
9Which wasn’t discovered till Charles’s son went out shopping for something nice to wear at his coronation party,
10And ran into a xrevolution instead.
11Fortunately for the Brits,
12No one suggested anything as radical as a return to the divine right of Cromwell,
13Who was dead anyway,
14But Parliament set a bunch of new world records in the King-Baiting game,
15yWhich convinced zKing James to quit being king,
16aaAnd rewrite the Bible instead,
17aWhich he did.
18After his departure, it took a while for the dust to clear, but eventually the situation was resolved in the usual, inexplicable Brit way,
19With a bforeigner on the throne,
20Which became a succession of foreigners,
21Including some cqueens,
22And then a whole series of dim-witted dGeorges,
23Who did a great job of ensuring that Brit foreign policy stay stupid and backward enough to increase British power enormously.
✦ · · ✦ · · ✦
Chapter 17 / 59