THE BOOK OF BLOODY
BRITS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF THE WHITE MAN’S BURDEN
The Brits invent fairnessThe divinity problem is solved
Chapter 10
And thus, when the mRenaissance arrived, the Brits were ready.
2With typical British independence, they participated in only those Renaissance sports that appealed to them.
3For example, they did not take an active part in the npainting of naked ladies,
4oBecause it’s always too pcold in Britain for ladies to take their clothes off,
5And even if they do, it’s too dark to see them because it’s usually raining.
6Besides, looking at naked ladies is far too straightforward an approach to sex to be of interest to Brits, qwho prefer to do absolutely everything with their clothes on.
7On the other hand, the Brits did take an interest in helping to invent science,
8Because science is hard and confusing,
9Which is why rFrancis Bacon invented the sscientific method,
10tIn a few spare moments when he wasn’t writing Shakespeare’s plays.
11The Brits also played the Protestant aReformation game better than anyone else,
12Having recognized well ahead of time that a bpowerful, unified church represented a serious inconvenience to any nation that intended to rule the world,c
13Which helps explain why dKing Henry the Eighth decided to become head of the Church of England, presumably so that he could grant himself a divorce, when it would have been much simpler to have had his wife beheaded,
14The way he usually did.
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Chapter 10 / 59