THE BOOK OF
BEAKS
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE BOOK OF BLOODY NOSES
History sneaks up on the middle eastThe Cossacks ride like the wind
Chapter 10
What with sand and other very important issues like that, tthe peoples of the near east decided the only thing to do was kill each other,
2As much as possible,
3Forever,
4uAnd so they did.
5Some of the killing was for religious reasons,
6And some of it was for economic reasons,
7But mostly it was for irreconcilable differences,
8Since they were all completely and utterly different from each other,
9Except for their noses,
10And their love of sand,
11And their fanatical devotion to their religion,
12vAnd their consuming desire to annihilate their enemies,
13Which were usually everybody else,
14Including the Iranians,
15And the Iraqis,
16And the Saudis,
17And the Syrians,
18And the Jordanians,
19And the Lebanese,
20And the Israelis,
21And the Palestinians,
22And the Kuwaitis,
23And the Turks,
24aAnd a bunch of others too,
25Except the Indians,
26Who are too busy hating the Pakistanis to fight about sand,
27Ever since bMahatma Gandhi pushed the cBrits out of India,
28By pretending that Indians were too peace-loving to hate anybody,
29dWhich is only the second or third joke ever pulled off in the middle east.
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